Co-Parenting Without Fear with Guest Paddy Ney of All About Parenting
Quick Summary
In this thought-provoking episode of Moms Moving On, host Michelle Dempsey-Multack sits down with parenting expert, author, and international trainer Paddy Ney of All About Parenting to tackle one of the biggest fears among divorced moms: Will my child want to live with their other parent if I set too many rules? With honesty, humor, and a deep understanding of psychology and neuroscience, Paddy breaks down the dynamics of parenting styles after divorce and how to raise emotionally secure kids—without losing yourself in guilt or fear.
Why it matters: Divorce often shakes up everything, especially how we parent. Many moms struggle with balancing authority and compassion, especially when co-parenting with someone who has different rules—or no rules at all. This episode delivers actionable insight into how permissiveness, boundaries, fear, and emotional awareness shape your post-divorce parenting identity.
Listeners will learn how to decode their default parenting style, recognize when fear is clouding their authority, and use reflective, emotionally attuned strategies to support their children in both homes. Whether you’re battling co-parenting guilt, struggling to hold boundaries, or just trying to keep your cool in the chaos, this episode offers a science-backed path to clarity.
52:00 – Balanced parenting, the truth about permissiveness, and how to stay grounded when your child tests you
Meet the Guest
Paddy Ney is an internationally recognized parenting expert, TEDx speaker, and lead trainer at All About Parenting, where he’s helped over 165,000 parents globally raise emotionally intelligent, confident children. He’s also the author of the bestselling book When at the Zoo, Watch the Humans, an unconventional and deeply insightful exploration of parenting, human behavior, and neuroscience. Paddy’s teachings blend psychology, biology, and humor to help parents transform conflict into connection—especially in high-stakes situations like divorce.
The Big Idea
Post-divorce parenting isn’t just about discipline or routines—it’s about emotional calibration. When families split, many moms fear they’ll lose connection with their children if they hold too tightly to rules or routines. But fear-based parenting leads to inconsistency, over-permissiveness, and deep insecurity for both parent and child. The episode reveals that balanced parenting—where structure meets empathy—isn’t just an ideal, it’s a biological necessity for long-term emotional regulation. Kids don’t need perfection; they need presence, consistency, and a parent who can self-regulate before setting the rules.
Key Takeaways from the Episode
- Fear is not a parenting strategy. Leading from guilt or anxiety undermines authority and confuses children about expectations.
- You can’t control your co-parent—but you can influence the dynamic by changing your response. Shifting your energy affects the energy of the entire co-parenting relationship.
- “Permissive vs. Authoritarian” is not a binary. Most parents toggle between styles—what matters is knowing when to soften and when to hold firm.
- Kids need boundaries, not buddies. Letting go of the “fun parent” competition frees you to parent from wisdom, not worry.
- Empathy toward your ex isn’t about forgiveness—it’s about effectiveness. Understanding their perspective reduces resistance and promotes cooperation, even when you don’t agree.
Tools, Strategies, or Frameworks Mentioned
- The Homeodynamic Principle: A neuroscience-based idea that parenting tension (i.e., strict vs. lenient) creates emotional “charge” necessary for a child’s developmental balance.
- Relatedness–Competency–Autonomy Model (from All About Parenting): A framework for meeting children’s core psychological needs, especially critical in two-home dynamics.
- The “Silent Pause” Technique: A self-regulation method where parents remove themselves momentarily from triggering situations to parent from a centered place rather than reactiveness.
- Perspective-Taking with Co-Parents: A tool for reducing conflict and defusing judgment by identifying what motivates your ex’s behavior (e.g., workaholism, unresolved trauma, control issues).
- The Calm Parent Challenge: A 5-week coaching experience by All About Parenting to help parents stop yelling and start connecting, even during tantrums and transitions.
Final Thoughts
“You are not raising your child to like you—you are raising them to trust you.” – Paddy Ney
Divorce may change the shape of your family, but it doesn’t erase your role. You’re still the safe place, the boundary-setter, the mirror, the guide. When you parent from a place of empathy and self-awareness, even in the chaos of co-parenting, you model the kind of emotional intelligence that lasts a lifetime. Don’t trade consistency for likability—your child needs your groundedness more than your approval.
Keywords: parenting after divorce, co-parenting dynamics, balanced parenting style, permissive vs authoritarian parenting, parenting from fear, post-divorce boundaries, emotionally intelligent parenting, self-regulation for parents, raising resilient kids in two homes, All About Parenting, Paddy Ney, Moms Moving On podcast
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