Childhood trauma and divorce are two experiences that profoundly shape the way we think, feel, and relate to others. Dr. Sasha Reiisieh, a licensed early childhood trauma therapist, explains that trauma is not defined by the event itself but by how the body internalizes and responds to it.
In early development, especially between birth and age five, a child’s nervous system is learning what safety feels like. When caregivers are emotionally attuned and responsive, a child’s body learns to regulate. But when caregivers are distracted, angry, or unavailable, the child begins to associate stress with isolation. These early imprints become the foundation for how we handle conflict, attachment, and healing in adulthood.
Dr. Reiisieh emphasizes that divorce alone is not inherently traumatic for children. What causes emotional harm is the level of conflict and emotional instability that surrounds it. Children are extraordinarily sensitive to their caregivers’ stress responses; if parents are consistently dysregulated, their children internalize that chaos. Conversely, one stable, emotionally regulated parent can serve as a powerful buffer, offering safety and security even in high-conflict family systems. “If you’re comfortable, they’re comfortable,” Dr. Reiisieh reminds us — a principle that applies as much to parenting as it does to healing.
Dr. Reiisieh examines the concept of rupture and repair, a cornerstone of trauma-informed parenting. Ruptures occur whenever a child’s emotional needs go unmet; repair happens when a parent re-establishes safety and connection. This process teaches children that relationships can recover after stress, building emotional resilience. For divorced parents, repair looks like calm consistency, validating the child’s experience, and setting compassionate boundaries.
Ultimately, Dr. Reiisieh reframes divorce not as an inevitable source of trauma, but as an opportunity to model emotional intelligence and stability. When parents approach separation with self-awareness, children don’t learn that love ends — they learn that love evolves. Healing begins not when we erase pain, but when we learn to regulate through it, teaching our children the same.
Meet the Expert
Dr. Sasha Reiisieh is a trauma-informed therapist, educator, and early childhood specialist with a doctorate in education. Her expertise lies in understanding how early attachment experiences shape emotional development, resilience, and family dynamics. Dr. Reiisieh’s work integrates neuroscience, somatic regulation, and practical parenting strategies to help families navigate difficult transitions such as divorce. Through her clinical practice and educational programs, she equips caregivers with tools to foster emotional safety and prevent intergenerational trauma.
The Big Idea
The central theme of Dr. Reiisieh’s work is that healing begins in the body before it begins in the mind. Divorce is often seen as an external crisis, but its impact unfolds internally, through the nervous system’s constant search for safety. When children grow up in households marked by emotional inconsistency, they learn to adapt by suppressing their needs or over-accommodating others. These adaptations can later appear as anxiety, people-pleasing, or emotional detachment in adulthood.
The real work of healing after divorce, for both adults and children, lies in rebuilding internal safety. Parents can’t protect children from pain, but they can regulate themselves enough to model calm and consistency. This stability allows children to process big emotions without absorbing them as fear. Divorce then becomes less about rupture and more about repair — a chance to teach that love, safety, and trust can coexist even after change.
Key Takeaways
- Trauma is internal, not external. It’s not what happens to us, but how our nervous system experiences and stores it.
- Children need emotional regulation, not perfection. A parent’s calmness becomes a child’s sense of security.
- Divorce doesn’t damage children — conflict does. Reducing emotional volatility protects their nervous system from chronic stress.
- Repair matters more than rupture. When parents acknowledge mistakes and reconnect, they model resilience and emotional literacy.
- One stable parent can change everything. A single consistent caregiver can offset instability and rewire a child’s sense of safety.
Tools, Strategies, or Frameworks Mentioned
- The Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind Framework: Parents are encouraged to embody these four traits to create balance — firm boundaries paired with warmth and empathy.
- Rupture and Repair Model: A trauma-informed approach emphasizing that emotional disconnects are inevitable but can be healed through validation, calm presence, and reconnection.
- Somatic Regulation Practices: Breathwork, grounding, and sensory exercises (like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique) to help both parents and children regulate after stress.
- Attachment Awareness: Recognizing how one’s own attachment style influences communication, co-parenting, and emotional responsiveness.
- The “Good Enough Parent” Principle: Rooted in research showing that one stable, emotionally responsive caregiver can mitigate the effects of family conflict and foster lifelong resilience.
Final Thoughts
Dr. Sasha Reiisieh leaves us with a transformative reminder: “Your child’s healing begins when you become the calm they can return to.” Divorce may alter family structure, but it does not have to fracture emotional security. When parents lead with empathy, self-regulation, and awareness, they teach their children a vital truth: safety isn’t dependent on circumstance but on connection.
Healing, then, is not about avoiding rupture — it’s about mastering repair. In doing so, parents rewrite the emotional scripts passed down through generations, creating space for peace, trust, and emotional intelligence to thrive.
Full Transcript: https://transcripts/moving-on-method-ep267-healing-after-divorce
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