Summarized Transcript of Moms Moving On

How to Navigate School and Sports Events With Your Ex (and New Partners) Without Hurting Your Kids

HOST:

Welcome back to another episode. Jess and I are here, and today we’re talking about one of the most requested topics from listeners: how to attend school events, sports games, and extracurricular activities when your ex, and possibly their new partner, will be there.

Why Is This Topic So Important for Co-Parents?

Your kids’ extracurricular activities are often some of the happiest moments of their week, and they deserve both parents’ support.
Tension, silent standoffs, or open conflict between parents can overshadow these moments, making kids anxious or even causing them to quit activities altogether.
Balancing boundaries, emotional triggers, and logistics is key to creating a child-centered co-parenting environment.

QUOTE: “The issues are in the tissues. Kids pick up on tension even when no words are spoken.”

When and How Should Both Parents Attend Events?

GUEST (Jess):

In my parenting plan, we agreed to keep our kids in sports regardless of whose parenting time it fell on.
We both try to attend games and activities when possible, even if we’re not standing together.
Kids light up when they see both parents, especially on days they wouldn’t normally.

HOST:

Some parents believe, “It’s my day, I choose the extracurriculars.”
But that mindset is self-focused, not child-focused.
Flexibility, like offering to drive a child to practice when the other parent can’t, shows kids you’re a united front.

Helping Kids Feel Safe and Supported at Events

Tips discussed:

Have a pre-event conversation: Let kids know you’ll both be there and reassure them you’re not there to fight.
Avoid creating loyalty binds, don’t make kids choose who to hug first.
Celebrate their wins without competing for their attention.
Teach them it’s okay to love both parents openly.

QUOTE: “If you say, ‘What about me?’ you’re telling your child they did something wrong. Don’t put that burden on them.”

When It’s Okay NOT to Attend Together

HOST:

If there’s a history of domestic violence or emotional abuse, prioritize safety and emotional wellbeing over showing up together.
The fear a child feels in those situations can be more damaging than one parent’s absence.

Bringing a New Partner to Events

Ask yourself why: Is it for the child’s benefit, or to make a statement?
Introducing a new partner too soon can add tension and stress for kids.
Wait until you’re in an amicable co-parenting place and the relationship is stable.
Resist forcing the issue if your ex objects; pushing can backfire and harm acceptance.

QUOTE: “What you resist persists. If you push them into your ex’s face, acceptance takes longer.”

School Events and Scheduling Logistics

Even if you managed the family calendar before divorce, keep sharing important dates now.
Don’t withhold info out of principle, you’re only hurting your kids.
Use shared calendars, text reminders, and photos to keep the other parent involved, even if they can’t attend.
FaceTime or call so your child can share wins in real time.

Encouraging Relationships With Stepparents

Support your child’s bond with your ex’s partner.
Encouragement reduces loyalty conflicts and helps kids feel safe in both households.
Inclusion benefits everyone, but it requires emotional maturity from the bio-parents.

Key Takeaways for Healthy Co-Parenting at Events

Keep the focus on the child’s experience, not your own feelings.
Show flexibility in schedules and transportation.
Avoid public conflict and subtle competitiveness.
Accept that situations evolve, what’s not possible now may be possible later.
Always, always protect your child from being in the middle.

Memorable Quotes

“The issues are in the tissues.”
“If you resist, it persists.”
“Keep your kids in the center, not in the middle.”
“It’s not about how often they see you, it’s about knowing they have both parents in their corner.”