Introduction – Why Building Wealth After Divorce Matters
HOST (Michelle Dempsey-Multack):
Money is more than numbers on a page, it’s a tool. It represents freedom, choice, and the power to leave situations that no longer serve you. Too many women remain in toxic relationships because they lack financial independence. Today, I’m joined by Ashley Miller, also known as Madam Trader, to talk about how women can build wealth, reclaim financial security, and step into their independence after divorce .
Who Is Ashley Miller, and Why Is She Passionate About This Work?
GUEST (Ashley Miller):
- Grew up in Montana, where she saw the markets’ influence on daily life.
- Worked at T3 Trading Group and noticed the absence of women in trading rooms.
- Launched Madam Trader to spotlight successful women traders and inspire others to enter finance.
- Advocates for closing not only the pay gap but the even larger wealth gap, with women averaging just 32 cents to every man’s dollar, and women of color just a penny .
QUOTE: “The less you understand finance, the more it controls your life. The more you understand it, the more freedom you have.”
Where Should Women Begin After Divorce?
HOST: Many women panic about survival finances when separation begins. Where do they start?
GUEST:
- Be kind to yourself and release judgment about past financial choices.
- Take stock of assets, liabilities, and monthly cash flow.
- Identify fixed expenses (rent, insurance, food) and explore where adjustments can be made.
- Watch for hidden money drains, like vehicles, convenience purchases, or emotional spending.
Key Tip: Start with honest self-awareness. Track income and expenses, and shift spending toward your values and priorities.
Budgeting for Children Without Falling Into Competition
HOST: Many moms feel pressure to “keep up” with wealthier ex-partners.
GUEST:
- Children don’t remember how much money you spent, they remember how you made them feel.
- Budget for meaningful experiences with kids, but avoid competing with your ex.
- Treat self-care and “fun money” as valid line items in your budget.
QUOTE: “It’s like the oxygen mask on an airplane, you must secure your own before helping others.”
Laying the Foundation Before Investing
Ashley’s Pre-Investing Checklist:
- Emergency Fund: 3–6 months of living expenses in a high-yield savings account.
- Debt Management: Pay down high-interest debt (credit cards >7%) before focusing on investing.
- Employer Match: Contribute at least enough to retirement accounts (401k, IRA) to capture employer matches, otherwise, you’re leaving “free money” on the table.
Why Women Must Invest to Build Wealth
GUEST:
- Inflation erodes savings—only investing grows wealth.
- Compounding interest is exponential over time. Even small, consistent contributions matter.
- Start simple with robo-advisors or index funds for balanced, low-cost entry.
- Platforms like Ellevest, founded by Sally Krawcheck, cater specifically to women and offer education plus impact investing options.
QUOTE: “Einstein called compounding interest one of the greatest wonders of the world—because over time, it changes everything.”
Shifting the Money Mindset
- Money is not greedy or taboo, it is a life tool that enables freedom.
- Financial literacy is as vital as emotional or physical health.
- Talking openly about money with friends, advisors, and peers reduces shame and increases accountability.
HOST: Just like fitness, building wealth requires consistent effort. You don’t run a marathon on day one, you start with small, repeatable steps.
Closing Insights
HOST (Michelle):
I’ve lived the panic of wondering if I could pay my rent after divorce. Ashley’s frameworks prove that every woman can take small, intentional steps to create lasting financial independence.
GUEST (Ashley):
“Don’t wait for someone else to take care of your financial future. The sooner you start, the sooner you reclaim your freedom.”
Memorable Quotes
- “The less you understand finance, the more it controls your life.”
- “Be kind to yourself, financial clarity starts with honesty, not shame.”
- “Your kids don’t remember what you spent; they remember how you made them feel.”
- “Compounding interest is the key to true financial freedom.”
Raw Transcript:
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Money is a tool and the sooner we recognize it is simply that and put the emotions to the side, the sooner we can get a handle on it. Because with that tool, it gives us options. It gives us freedom.
It gives us choices to be able to walk away from a spouse. I know firsthand, I have friends who did not leave toxic relationships because they didn’t have their own money. And I hear that story all the time.
All the time. All the time, right? You’re trapped. And the really dark reality is most domestic abuse is coupled with financial abuse.
Welcome back to another episode of Moms Moving On. I’m so happy you’re here and I’m so excited for you to meet our guest today. Her name is Ashley Miller, otherwise known as Madam Trader.
Growing up in Montana, Ashley was exposed to the market’s impact on our lives through her family’s business. As a finance professional, she has seen just how disproportionately the lack of market participation has negatively affected women. She has a passion for storytelling, problem solving, and helping her friends, family, and clients achieve their goals.
She brings the stories of expert women traders to a broad audience through the Madam Trader podcast and hopes more women will be inspired to take charge of their own financial future and create the lives they want to live. Ashley, this hits home because this immediately transports me back to my mindset six years ago when I had just gotten separated. And I mean, I was working like I needed the money because I did.
And I was in fear all the time of not having enough. I’m just so grateful that we get to have this conversation with you today. Thank you.
I’m so excited to be here. I really appreciate having this conversation today. It’s impactful for women no matter what phase of life you’re at.
And certainly when you’re going through a separation, it’s just even more heightened. So it’s wonderful to dive in with you. So tell us about Madam Trader.
How did this all come to be? Yeah, absolutely. So Madam Trader came out of my work at T3 Trading Group where I looked around and I said, hey guys, this is great. Where are all the women? And they said, yeah, we know, we know.
And I said, no really, where are all the women? We know that women are good at trading. We know that women need to be in this space. What’s happening here? And for so long, markets and finance have felt really off limits to women.
I mean, they actually were until the Fair Credit Act in the seventies. You couldn’t get a loan without a male co-signer, right? It’s always been a very male dominated field, even though there’s all this research that shows that women are very good at managing risk, really good at sticking to a trading plan. And they said, okay, you do something about it.
So I started just interviewing the women that we had in house that were really successful, which is very inspiring and great. And then we really realized, okay, this is a bigger issue than just trading. You know, the pay gap gets a lot of attention in the news, which is really a valid topic.
We really need to get that fixed ASAP, but bigger than that, it’s the wealth gap. Now the pay gap is about 80 cents to the dollar. The wealth gap is 32 cents to the dollar on average, and all the way down to one penny for women of color.
So this is a massive problem. And it’s definitely not women’s faults. A lot of it comes to lack of access, lack of accessible education.
You know, we don’t teach financial literacy in the public school system. And so we decided this isn’t just about trading in the markets. It’s about creating a space where talking about money is comfortable.
It’s accessible. We can get rid of any feelings of shame or, you know, try to alleviate a lot of the discomfort around it so that it’s more approachable and you can take charge of it. Because ultimately, the more you understand finance, the more you can have freedom over your life.
And the less you understand it, the more it’s going to control your life. So just making that more available to women is our mission. That’s a powerful statement in general.
Like the less you know about anything, you know, the more controlled you’ll be by it. Wow. That’s, that’s pretty deep.
Well, I mean, I’ll be honest. I, you know, was probably somebody who could really use your help when I first got separated. I, you know, growing up, even through my twenties had grand dreams of like, you know, making it big one day and having wealth.
And when I got separated, I realized I just wanted to get by and I just wanted enough financial freedom to go, to go to bed at night without that, like panic in my chest of if I lose a client or if I blow a tire, like how am I going to pay my rent this month? And I really was on a hamster wheel every month and never really got ahead of it. I know so many women listening are in that same place because they reach out to me and they say, you know, my husband was a bread winner. I didn’t wind up with a lot.
I don’t know how I’m going to make ends meet help. And so I think this is where you come in, like where, where can we start to just at least tread water in terms of our finances after divorce? Yeah, absolutely. I it’s so important.
And you know, as you’re very familiar with finances are one of the main causes that lead to divorce, right? And so getting a handle on it is so important and everyone’s situation is different. So I would say the first thing to do is to just be kind to yourself, you know, wherever you’ve been, whatever the situation was like with your ex, just taking a moment to accept it, let it go, and then take stock of where you are now. So, you know, whether you had a prenup or not, whether you had shared finances or they were separate, all of these things will play into that.
But once you have separated and you’ve decided, okay, I’m on my own now and worked out the details with custody of your kids and whatnot, it’s really important to take a look at your assets and liabilities and what your cash flow looks like. So for many of us, our cashflow is I get paid. I spend it all every month.
I wait for my next paycheck, right? It’s, it’s very common in this country. Even if you’re a high feel attacked. Yeah.
Yeah, no. And please don’t feel attacked. It’s it’s I hope you feel seen because this is something that, you know, happens to the majority of folks.
And so the reality is, is when you are in a stressful situation, if you lose that client, if you blow a tire, if you have a medical emergency, how are you going to cover it? And so often what we fall back on is credit cards because they’re easily accessible. And then we get in that spiral of credit card debt, which has incredibly high interest and compounds daily, which is why I can get out of hand. So the first thing I recommend is taking stock of what you earn and what you spend each month.
And that can be pretty sobering. If you’ve never done it before, it’s definitely a little intimidating to pull up your credit card or your bank statement and say, Ooh, where is this going? Well, every single woman I work with, Ashley, you know, everyone who gets divorced has to fill out a financial affidavit. And women will come to me with, you know, the attachment in their email.
Like I can’t do this. And I’m like, no, but you have to, you have to, you can’t be shy. This is not a place to, you know, hide how much money you spend at the salon.
You need to know it’s so important. You have to be honest with it and, and to do it without judgment, which is much easier said than done because there’s so much judgment amount of money, right? Like how did we grow up with it? Did our parents fight about it? Were we told it’s impolite to talk about, did our ex or whomever judge us for getting our nails done? You know, women are held to this very high standard from, you know, beauty and grooming metrics, but then we’re told it’s frivolous to spend money on our nails, which is a total joke, right? So you need to look at where this is going, be really honest with yourself about it. And then you have to identify a couple of things.
What is your absolute base level of living expenses, right? And what of those are going to change now that you’ve gotten divorced? Probably, you know, your cost of living is going to go up if you were sharing the cost of a mortgage or rent, that kind of thing. So really being honest about what does my, what are my fixed expenses look like? My rent, my food, my insurance, that kind of thing. And where can I shift those around? A really common one that I see that can be adjusted and give you a little more breathing room is vehicles.
Vehicles are a very big expense and as nice as it feels to have a fancy new car, an old car is going to get you the same place as the new car gets you. And so, you know, just looking at those shifts and then to having a conversation with yourself about your values, right? Is having that breathing room going to give you a sense of relief where you can then focus on getting through this transition for yourself. And when you’re in another place down the line, you know, maybe it does make sense to have a new vehicle, but just really taking stock of those things.
And even the things that you’re spending money on that maybe don’t align with your values. A lot of times we will spend on things as a coping mechanism and it’s not necessarily self-care. Sometimes it is, but you know, there’s a lot of verbiage out there that can be really down putting on women, which I hate like, oh, just don’t buy lattes.
And then you’ll be a millionaire. That math doesn’t work out, right? If buying a latte… Not for me. No, it doesn’t work out for anybody.
It doesn’t work out for Warren Buffett either, right? If buying that latte brings you joy and gets you through your day and it’s in your budget, great. If it doesn’t and it’s just a convenience because you’re stressed out, can you make coffee at home? Can that be one thing that you shift, right? And so it’s looking at all of those things and then finding the gaps where you’re like, you know, I’m spending money on this, but I’m really not getting anything out of it. So that’s really the first place to look at.
And then, you know, it’s a double-sided equation. There’s only so much you can bring your costs down. There’s infinite possibilities for earning, especially when you’re investing.
So as an employee, right, there are limits within company budgets and in certain careers on what you can earn. And a lot of times, you know, we’re underpaid for a myriad of reasons. So re-evaluating either in your current situation, you know, is there room for more compensation here, or is it time to start that side hustle, you know, go to another company where I will get a promotion, that kind of thing.
How can you bring in as much as possible and then not have that lifestyle creep, which we’re all guilty of, right? It’s so nice when you start seeing, oh gosh, there’s more coming in each month. I’m going to treat myself to more things. And you can, it’s just being intentional about it so that you don’t end up in that same in and out paycheck to paycheck situation.
Yeah, that’s great advice. And I think for so many moms, because I mostly work with moms, they’ll say, you know, they’d rather go without so that their children can still experience what they were used to before the divorce. And part of me is like, you know, I think we don’t have to put a monetary value on children’s experience after divorce, like children do not remember what you spend on them.
They remember how you make them feel. But I also understand that feeling of inadequacy when maybe the other parent is the higher earner with more money and can do all these fancy things and you can’t. So how important do you think it is for moms to budget a little bit of that fun money to use for their children and all the things that they like to do with their kids? Yeah, absolutely.
I think it’s incredibly important. I think you, you know, that that’s a huge value for moms. And most moms I know will say the same thing.
They want their kids to have these wonderful experience. And at the same time, you’re right, just being with your mom. And as someone who’s lost my mom, I can tell you, I don’t remember the things that they spent money on.
I remember how she made me feel and the experiences with her. And that’s really ultimately what every childhood is about, right? Are you there for your kid? Are you sharing these these moments and experiences with them? So I think the fun things are important. And this also comes down to conversations with your ex.
And hopefully, you know, you’ve had an amicable separation where there can be some some co-parenting here where it doesn’t feel as lopsided and like one parents the fun one and the other one, you know, we just sit at the park or whatever. But definitely that’s something to build into your budget. So the next step after you’ve gotten a hold of your cash flow, right? If you’re someone who, you know, is not dealing with a lot high interest debt and and you’re ready to to build up the fun bucket, I would say definitely putting that towards kids is important.
And, you know, like you said, a lot of moms will put that before themselves. I would say it’s a lot like on an airplane. You got to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.
Right. You do have to have some money set aside to take care of yourself too. But it really is important to treat that with respect and not feel bad about spending money on yourself or your kids.
I think we can get into these spirals where we question our choices around it and we feel judged by it. But really, at the end of the day, it’s your money, it’s your life and it’s your values. So what’s important to you? Right.
And once you’ve gotten that cash flow figured out and, you know, worked down the expenses, you’ve worked up the earning, then really you’re going to find the sweet spot for yourself. A lot of times you’ll hear the recommendation of 50, 30, 20, where people will say 50 percent of your income goes to expenses, 30 percent towards the fund set, 20 percent towards investing. Madam Trader, we really encourage to shift that a little bit where your expenses get lower than 50 percent and your investing and your fun stuff is more equal or even eventually the investing is higher than the fun stuff.
And now that doesn’t mean you’ve got like this sad life or you’re not doing anything fun. It’s just as you go along, being able to build more towards those long term goals as you enjoy your life. So I would say definitely keep room in your budget for your kids.
That is not that can be a non-negotiable for sure. It doesn’t mean that you’re competing with your ex and that you’re getting yourself into credit card debt or ignoring some of your other goals. It’s finding that equilibrium and knowing where you’re at now and setting up the building blocks to get to where you want to be in the future.
Yeah, I think that’s great advice. Also, that competition with the ex, I see that that really hurts a lot of people financially, both men and women. It’s like everyone’s trying to outdo each other without realizing that this isn’t necessarily what the kids need.
So that’s a really great point you bring up. So you talk a lot about investing, and I know that you are an expert in that for women who are just starting out again on their own financially. Investing sounds like a dirty word.
I couldn’t tell you how to go about doing that. That’s why you’re here. But how can somebody who has never invested, who doesn’t understand the world of investments, where should they start in terms of investing? What’s the easiest place to start? Absolutely.
I think the first thing to do is to address what you just said, that investing feels dirty. So often we get these opinions about money of like it’s beneath us, it’s very negative, we don’t want to look greedy. And money is a tool.
And the sooner we recognize it is simply that and put the emotions to the side, the sooner we can get a handle on it. Because with that tool, it gives us options, it gives us freedom, it gives us choices to be able to walk away from a spouse. I know firsthand, I have friends who did not leave toxic relationships because they didn’t have their own money.
And I hear that story all the time. All the time. All the time, right? You’re trapped.
And the really dark reality is most domestic abuse is coupled with financial abuse. Because if you don’t have your own money, you can’t leave. So it’s one of these things where it’s like it really can be life and death.
And even if you have the most amazing partner in the world, life happens, people can get sick, people can die, businesses can go under, there’s just so many unknowns. So to not take care of yourself, it’s not only a disservice to you, it’s a disservice to your children, it’s a disservice to your future. And it doesn’t have to be this taboo, uncomfortable thing.
So I would say even before you get to divorce, having money conversations is so important to really have a hold of your financial health, just like you do your physical, mental, emotional health. So whether you’re divorced or not, once you’ve gotten a hold of your budget, there’s a couple of things to look at pre-investing. Do you have an emergency fund? This is so, so important because if you lose a job, if you have that medical emergency, where is that money going to cover it from? And it should be in a liquid account.
So that is checking and savings are great example of money that’s easily available. You don’t want your money just sitting in these non-interest bearing accounts because they’re losing value to inflation. So you want to make sure you’ve got three to six months in a high yield savings account, which right now the interest rates are pretty good on those, they’re close to 4%.
So you’re making something on your money and not just losing value to inflation. And then it’s readily available if you’ve got an emergency. That’s going to give you a lot of peace of mind before you start dipping your toe into investing and feeling like, well, I’m risking my money.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with the stock market. Know that at least your bases are covered for an emergency. And then if you’re somebody that does have debt, like most of us in America do, making sure you’ve got a plan for that too is also going to make you feel more comfortable with investing.
So if you have high interest debt, anything above 7%, this is going to be credit cards. Sometimes it’s student loans. You want to a plan in place to pay that off because it’s again, eating away every day.
It’s building up on interest. If it’s credit cards, you want to get that paid down. And then once you’ve only have low interest debt, like a mortgage or maybe, you know, a consolidated personal and something like that, those can be kind of standard payments as you start to invest.
So it’s really like taking care of your health from the ground up, right? You know, we’ve got to make sure we’re breathing well and drinking enough water and getting our sleep and all those things. And now we can start to exercise. So now that you’ve got the base elements in place and you feel like, okay, I’ve got a handle on my budget, my earning, my emergency fund is ready to go.
I’m getting this debt paid off. Then it’s looking at the picture and saying, okay, where am I putting my money for my future? And the reason investing is so important, it’s what we just talked about with the time value of money, right? Inflation, we’re all really aware of in the current market environment eats away the value of our money. And we have less buying power this year than we did a year ago.
So the way you combat that is not just to earn more or to save, but you have to be investing because when you invest, you earn interest. And when you’re earning interest on interest, it compounds. And over time, there’s an just exponential result, right? If you were to save, you know, $1,000 a month in a savings account, you’ve got $1,200 at the end of the year.
If you’re putting it into an interest bearing account or the stock market, you’re earning interest. Now, the thing to remember with paper assets, with, you know, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, that kind of thing, is these are actively traded instruments. You’re not guaranteed a return.
So that means every day people are coming, you know, they used to come to the physical exchanges. A few people have to do that, but mostly online to buy and sell and trade in value. And I think it can feel a little overwhelming and intimidating and like, what is this? What’s happening? There’s so much jargon.
Trading and investing can be as complicated or as simple as you want to make it. And once you’ve committed to, okay, this is important for my long-term goals. I want to do this.
The easiest way to get started is to automate it and to use a, you know, trusted robo-advisor site where you can just have that money going into an index fund that’s balancing out the risk for you and continuing to cost average in as you put that money in. So a couple of things I said there, I’ll back up to kind of talk through this. I’m like index fund, ABC, 123, I don’t know.
Index fund, yeah, right. It’s all this stuff, right. So a stock, right, is a piece of ownership in a company and you can buy and trade individual stocks.
People do this typically on a shorter timeframe to capitalize and moves in the market, right? Okay. There’s the war in Ukraine. There’s earning reports.
Different things will make price go up or down in the long-term. Historically, the stock market has gone up. Now it’s cyclical right now.
Everyone’s talking about a recession and we’re dipping our toe into that. It goes both directions. So you have to know your timeframe.
If you’re investing, it should be mid to learn long-term. So you don’t want to be putting money in an investment account that you’re going to need for that emergency to pay off your credit cards, to pay your rent, this is money that’s going to future goals. And when you’re buying an index fund, what you’re doing is you’re buying a big basket of stocks altogether.
So rather than having to bet on Tesla or Apple or whatever and say, I think this is going up because I hear people talking about it. You’ve got this fund that is balanced your risk. So there’s different stocks from multiple companies.
So some will go up, some will go down and you’re balancing that out. So you’re not going to have crazy returns or crazy losses, but over time you should see a steady increase. And when you leave your money in there, historically adjusted for inflation returns on the stock market are 8%.
So it’s really like 10%, but we take out 2%. That’s the standard for inflation we want to hit. So if you put a hundred dollars in an index fund and you get 8% at the end of the year, you’re going to have $108.
So that doesn’t sound super exciting. It’s something you leave it in and the next year you’re earning interest on that $108. So you don’t just have another $8, you have $8.64. And this is where it’s so important to leave your money in.
It sounds like nothing, but the longer you leave it in there, the compounding is exponential. Einstein called compounding interest one of the greatest wonders of the world because of this. It just goes so fast once you hit a certain amount of time in there.
So you really got to be committed to your goals, but this is one of the reasons so many women end up retiring impoverished because they haven’t invested and they haven’t let their money compound through their working lives. And now they’re just sitting on savings that they’ll drain down. So it’s a hard topic to talk about in the beginning because it’s this far off goal.
However, I would say, what do you want your life to be like with grandkids? What do you want your life to be like when you’re working years are over? What do you want your life? Do you want to work your whole life? And if the answer to that is, I want to be able to spend time with my family and loved ones. I want to travel. I don’t want to be stressed about my bills.
You have to invest. There’s only so much you can earn. There’s only so much you can save, but compounding will definitely get you into a place where you can have real financial freedom.
And a tool that I like to play with is a compound interest calculator. If you Google this, you can find a ton of them. There’s a free one from the government.
I just did this with a friend the other day because today is tax day. So everyone’s trying to get their contributions in. I said, yeah, right.
So everyone’s stressed out about that. And I said, look, if you put your contribution for your IRA in for 2022, you’ve got that extra money compounding. If you miss the deadline, you’re losing out on that.
So let’s look at that. So the 2022 limit for an IRA was $6,000 and we put in 8% over 30 years, she’d end up with $75,000 at the end of 30 years with compound interest. Yeah.
That’s amazing. So you’re leaving all of this money on the table by not participating. And I think it feels really intimidating when you see the stock market go down and there’s all of this jargon and stuff, but really just understanding compound interest and the time value of money, that’s the bare minimum.
And then if you want to get started and you’re like, okay, I understand these concepts. I’m still a little overwhelmed. I don’t really want to do this myself, but I want my money to be working for me.
You can open a brokerage account really anywhere. I personally am a huge fan of Ellevest. It was started by Sally Krawcheck, who’s a Wall Street wonder woman who really recognized, hey, investing isn’t just a problem.
It’s really a problem for women. We live longer. We have career breaks.
These products were made by men for men. I’m going to do it differently. So she has a ton of wonderful, accessible education, and they also offer impact investing.
So for myself, I have an IRA with them and I have that impact investing on. So I know that they are investing in companies that are perhaps B Corps, they’re focused on the environment. They have women on the board.
They’re doing things that are making a difference in the world. And that’s one of the beautiful things about participating in the stock market is you can vote with your dollars. And at the end of the day, this is a capitalist country, whatever your feelings are on that.
Voting with your money is as powerful in a lot of ways as going and actually voting at the voting booth, because you can create the change you want to see by putting your money to work in places that are meaningful to you. So there’s a lot of power behind it. Wow.
Really, really great stuff. You are so knowledgeable in this. It’s amazing to me.
You make it also easier to understand. I’m not educated in this at all, and I wish I were, and now I’m about to call my accountant and be like, it’s time for an IRA apparently, if nothing more. So that feels like a safe place to start.
Yeah, absolutely. I think just starting that brokerage account. So the example of Ellevest, that’s a robo investor.
So there isn’t someone actively managing that money like they would in a mutual fund or a hedge fund, trading it every day. There’s set parameters of risk, and then that gets rebalanced based on the algorithm. So there’s a lower fee.
It’s typically about half a percentage on that. So it’s a really accessible way to get started. And then you have to automate it.
Just like paying down debt or filling up your high yield savings account, automate those payments until you’ve hit those goals. And then you’ve got to automate your investments and treat it like a bill. You’ll often hear people say you’re paying yourself first, and this is really valid.
The common equation that most of us use is we get paid and we say, okay, I’ve got to pay all these bills, my rent, my groceries, whatever. Then I’m going to do the things that I want to do. And then if there’s anything left over, I’ll save that.
You need to flip the last two. You have to pay for your life, and then you’ve got to pay yourself. I treat my contributions as a bill.
I’ve been in situations where I’ve been between jobs, I’ve been strapped, whatever, and I do not change that contribution. And I’ve been able to do that because I had an emergency fund saved. I was prepared for these leaner times.
And that way my money keeps compounding for me and you keep cost averaging in. So you’ll hear that a lot. What cost averaging in means is like right now the market’s in a little bit of a slump.
We’re anticipating a recession and more of a longer term bear market, meaning it’s going down. So that oftentimes makes people nervous. But what that means is you’re buying all of these stocks on sale.
They have a lower purchase price at the moment. They’re not going to stay there forever. Some of them will go lower.
We definitely haven’t hit the bottom, but over time, historically, they’re going to rebound. And again, that balancing of what you bought will definitely rise up. So really when people say they’ve won or lost in the stock market, I always say, well, where did you get in and where did you exit? If you haven’t sold that, then you haven’t won or lost anything.
Until you sell it, it’s just like your home. You can say, my home’s worth whatever, but what did you sell your house for? Did you sell it? Then you really haven’t made or lost anything until you sell it. So by buying in times that are low and buying in times that are high, I could buy a stock for $50 today and I could buy it for $100 in September.
So then the average price I’ve paid for that is $75. So again, consistently, rather than trying to time the market, which most people are not very good at, some really sophisticated active traders can do it on a short timeframe, but you’re building in over time and then you’re committing to yourself. You’re saying, I’m paying myself every month because I know when I retire, I want my life to be a certain way.
I don’t want to be depending on social security that may or may not be there. I don’t want to be depending on a spouse that may or may not be there or my children who may or may not have the funds to take care of me. I’m going to prepare for this time in my life.
It’s not just retirement. This can also be more midterm goals. Certainly, there’s accounts that you can set up for a child’s education.
You can earmark different accounts for buying a home or starting a business or whatever your goals may be. But really treating that as an essential cost and not a nice to have, I think is the mindset shift that has to happen. And then again, you still leave enough for yourself to enjoy your life, to do the things that are meaningful with your kids.
For myself, I’m in New York. I love going to Broadway shows. That brings me so much joy.
They’re expensive, but you know what? I put it in my budget and nobody can shame me about it or tell me that was a frivolous use of my money. That’s what I want to spend my money on. I do.
I’m still paying myself first. So it’s not that I’m taking out of my investment accounts to go to those shows. It’s that I’ve built it into the whole plan and then I can feel guilt-free about it.
And so whatever that thing is for you, identify what was really meaningful to you and you have room for both. And over time, it’s honestly, it’s kind of like, I always draw the comparison to fitness. Everybody wants to be healthy.
Everybody wants to be wealthy. It takes time and effort to build both. And if you’ve never run in your life and you’re like, I’m going to run a marathon.
You don’t walk out of the house and run a marathon. I mean, you could, you probably won’t finish and you’ll probably hurt yourself and it won’t, it’s not going to go well. But if you say, I’m going to run to the end of the block and then next week I’m going to run to the next block and you build up over time.
It’s the same with investing. A lot of times employers offer a contribution match in a 401k. So if you are someone who has that at a minimum, you need to be putting in whatever that match amount is.
It’s typically around like 4%. So if you put 4% of your paycheck into a 401k, which is a retirement account, employer sponsors, versus we talked about an IRA, which is an individual retirement account. You can have both.
You want to at least do that 4% because otherwise you’re literally leaving free money on the table. So you want a minimum to that at the same time as paying off high interest credit cards and building up that emergency fund, what have you. Once you’ve finished paying those off, you’ve got more room now where you can say, well, what if I bump that to 5%? What if I bump it to 6%? And you keep going a little more and it’s just like adding a half mile onto your run where little by little, all of a sudden it’s like, oh, I feel comfortable now.
If you look at just the end goal and not the steps to get there, it’s so defeating. It’s like, how would I ever get there? You’ve got to break it down into measurable attainable steps and then keep reevaluating them. Find someone that you can talk to about this.
And that’s one of the biggest things is women have been taught forever that it’s rude to talk about money. We’re not supposed to do that. It’s impolite.
Bullshit. You got to talk about it. Talk with your friends and people will have different levels of comfort.
You got to respect that. There’s a lot of interpersonal trauma around money and the emotions of it, but find somebody you can talk to about these things who can also hold you accountable and say, are you still investing? What’s changed? And that’s, I think one of the most powerful things that women do is we really are great at showing up for each other and supporting each other in our goals. Right.
Your passion for this is amazing. And I highly suggest anybody listening who has questions, please reach out to Ashley. This is, this has been so insightful and so helpful and a little bit motivating for me personally.
I’m not going to lie. Thank you, Ashley. I think so many of your, like your analogy about, you know, personal wealth and fitness so smart, but applies also to the moving on process as a whole, right? Like you’re not just going to wake up moved on.
You have to put the effort in just like with everything else. I’d love it. Ashley, where can everybody find you if they have more questions or if they want to get in touch with you? Absolutely.
Well, you can email me at hello at madam trader.com. I would love to hear from you. If you have questions on anything we talked about today or topics we want to cover. I also break down a lot of these concepts in very short mini episodes on the madam trader podcast.
You can find those on Spotify or Apple podcasts. So you can listen about inflation for 10 minutes. You can listen about compound interest.
You know, we did an episode on the SBB bank collapse. If that’s confusing and you want to know what it really happened, check that out. We also have updates on our Instagram that’s madam trader NYC.
So anything going on will be posted there. Love it. You are very wise.
Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you, Ashley, for being here and we’ll see you next time on mom’s moving on.
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