Divorce and co-parenting bring forward some of the most emotionally charged and complex challenges families face.
At the heart of these issues are questions about children’s safety, the delicate dynamics between biological and stepparents,
and how new partners are introduced into a child’s life. Each situation requires a blend of empathy, strategy, and
child-centered focus to create stability during periods of transition.
One of the most difficult realities for many parents is when children express fear or resistance toward spending time
with one parent. Courts do not always validate a child’s feelings, leaving the custodial parent in the painful position
of wanting to protect without the power to change legal mandates. The real path forward lies in creating a secure and
validating home environment while equipping children with coping skills that honor their emotions without amplifying their fears.
Stepparents also face unique challenges. When biological parents express hostility or resistance, it often stems from ego,
fear of replacement, or unresolved grief. For the stepparent, the most effective approach is to respect the existing bond,
build trust gradually, and model respect for the biological parent, even when it is not reciprocated. This establishes
stability for children and reduces the likelihood of conflict undermining the co-parenting dynamic.
Finally, many parents consider inserting waiting periods into parenting plans before children meet new partners.
While well-intentioned, these rules often backfire, fueling conflict rather than protecting children. A more effective
strategy is to prioritize non-negotiables that directly impact children’s well-being, while allowing time and behavior—not
arbitrary timelines—to reveal whether a new partner is a healthy presence.
Meet the Expert
Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a certified divorce and co-parenting specialist, educator, and best-selling author.
With years of experience guiding families through separation, she brings deep expertise in building child-centered co-parenting
strategies, teaching emotional intelligence, and empowering parents to reduce conflict while protecting children’s stability.
The Big Idea
At the core of divorce and co-parenting is the recognition that children thrive when at least one parent provides consistent
safety, stability, and validation. Parents and stepparents alike must learn to separate ego from action, prioritize emotional
well-being over control, and focus their energy on battles that truly matter.
Key Takeaways
- Children need safe harbors: You can’t control the other parent’s household, but you can create a secure and validating environment on your own.
- Respect is the stepparent’s power play: By respecting the biological parent, you earn trust with the children and avoid unnecessary conflict.
- Avoid ego-driven rules: Parenting plan clauses such as six-month waiting periods often cause more harm than good.
- Focus on non-negotiables: Protect your children by concentrating on provisions that directly impact their safety and well-being.
- Flexibility fosters resilience: The ability to adapt calmly, support children’s emotional needs, and take the long view is essential in co-parenting.
Tools, Strategies, or Frameworks Mentioned
- Safe Harbor Parenting: Creating stability and consistency in one home, regardless of the other parent’s behavior.
- High Road Stepparenting: Building trust through respect, patience, and modeling positive communication.
- Non-Negotiables Framework: Identifying which parenting plan provisions truly protect children and letting go of rules driven by ego or control.
Final Thoughts
“Don’t waste your energy on rules that fuel conflict. Save your strength for the hills worth dying on.”
Divorce is not about winning every battle, it is about protecting what matters most. By focusing on emotional safety,
respect, and long-term perspective, families can navigate even the toughest questions with clarity and compassion.
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