Quick Summary
In this essential episode of Moms Moving On, Michelle Dempsey-Multack is joined by forensic psychologist Dr. Malissa Tigges to unpack one of the most emotionally charged questions divorcing parents face: Should I stay for the kids? With clinical clarity and personal compassion, Dr. Tigges explores the psychological, developmental, and long-term impacts of divorce on children, and why the answer isn’t as black and white as we’ve been conditioned to believe.
Listeners will learn the difference between short-term disruption and long-term dysfunction, and how what kids truly need isn’t an “intact” family—but a healthy one. Whether the issue is high conflict, emotional neglect, or simply a lack of connection between parents, Dr. Tigges explains how parental behavior—especially after separation—has the power to either buffer or intensify a child’s stress. And spoiler: one emotionally stable parent can make all the difference.
This episode is a must-listen for parents navigating the guilt, fear, and decision paralysis that often accompanies divorce. It offers clinical insight, emotional reassurance, and clear direction on how to make the healthiest choice for your children—even if that means walking away.
Meet the Guest
Dr. Malissa Tigges is a forensic psychologist and expert in child welfare, family systems, and high-conflict custody litigation. With a background in child protective services, special education, and the prison system, she brings a multifaceted, trauma-informed lens to family conflict and post-divorce dynamics. Currently running a court-referred family therapy program, Dr. Tigges works closely with parents and children navigating separation, offering interventions such as reunification therapy and co-parenting support. Her real-world and courtroom-tested expertise makes her a trusted voice for families seeking stability after divorce.
The Big Idea
It’s not about whether you stay or leave—it’s about what you’re modeling and how you manage the transition.
Staying in a loveless, emotionally disconnected relationship “for the kids” can actually do more damage than a well-handled separation. Children don’t just absorb the stability of a two-parent home—they internalize the emotional health of it. Dr. Tigges explains that the real determining factor in child outcomes isn’t divorce itself, but the level of conflict, emotional attunement, and consistency they experience in their relationships with caregivers. In other words: kids don’t need perfection—they need connection.
Key Takeaways from the Episode
- Children Thrive in Stability, Not Perfection: A stable, emotionally present parent has more impact than two cohabiting but disconnected parents.
- Modeling Healthy Relationships Matters: Kids learn how to love, communicate, and resolve conflict by observing their parents’ interactions.
- Short-Term Stress Is Normal: Academic disruption, sleep issues, and emotional confusion may occur, but they’re typically temporary with the right support.
- Parental Conflict Is More Damaging Than Divorce: Long-term exposure to high conflict creates emotional trauma and risks future relational dysfunction.
- Kids Don’t Need You to Be Perfect—Just Present: Allowing children to express anger, confusion, or sadness without defensiveness creates emotional safety.
Tools, Strategies, or Frameworks Mentioned
- The “One Stable Caregiver” Rule: Children need at least one emotionally available, consistent adult to mitigate the psychological impacts of divorce.
- Bill Eddy’s BIFF Response & 4 Big Skills: Promote critical thinking and emotional regulation in children by modeling calm, neutral responses to conflict.
- Developmentally Appropriate Honesty: Be open with your children about the divorce in age-appropriate ways while shielding them from adult conflicts.
- Therapeutic Support for Parents and Kids: Individual therapy, co-parenting counseling, and family reunification therapy can all contribute to a healthier post-divorce dynamic.
- Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Divorce alone isn’t necessarily an ACE—but unresolved conflict, neglect, and emotional abuse can turn it into one.
Final Thoughts
“It doesn’t have to be an adverse childhood experience.” – Dr. Malissa Tigges
Divorce doesn’t have to scar your children—it can actually liberate them from dysfunction and give them a model for setting healthy boundaries. But only if it’s handled with mindfulness, emotional maturity, and a willingness to do the work. The key isn’t staying or leaving—it’s how you show up, heal, and support your kids through it.
If you’re questioning your next move, know this: Your children need a happy, healthy parent—not just a married one.
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