I’ll never forget the first time Bella played me against her dad. She had to be just shy of 4-years-old, when I caught her drawing on the back of her bedroom door with market. Naturally, I got upset and had to take her markers away.

Then she said those 6 words that can break even the strongest of hearts –
“I want to go to daddy’s!”.

I was stunned. Stopped in my tracked. Shocked and on the verge of tears. In that moment, I sank deep inside myself, stomach doing flips, wondering if this would be the future of my parenting journey – my child playing me against her dad each time I tried to discipline her. I wasn’t prepared for it.

Then, I learned how to handle it.

Naturally, you’d want to respond with something like,
“Oh yea? You want to go be with your daddy! Fine! GO!”

or

“You’re really making mommy sad. Don’t choose daddy over me.”

Even worse, you may not want to follow through with the consequence in fear that they’ll hate you and disappear in the middle of the night with a backpack and show up on their dad’s doorstep.

Definitely don’t say those things, and definitely don’t ignore discipline, mama.

Here’s what to do instead:

– First, validate your child’s emotions by saying something like
“Wow, it really makes you mad when mommy tells you not to draw on your door.”

– Then, remind them that they can’t dictate where they’re spending their time
“You have time with mommy and time with daddy, right now, you’re with mommy.”

– Next, go back to the issue at hand, the consequence for their actions
” At mommy’s house, you can’t use markers on doors or walls. You are going to have to help me clean your door now (or insert any consequence you’re comfortable with).

And don’t feel guilty about this either. This not only teaches your child boundaries, it reminds them of a very important life lesson:

You can’t just up and leave a situation every time you don’t get your way.

Now that you’ve learned how to handle your child in this situation, here are a few ways to handle yourself in uncomfortable parenting situations like these.

xx,

Michelle