Your 2021 Year at a Glance

If 2020 was the year that changed everything for you, you’re not alone. Many women found themselves at the end of their marriages in the year of Covid, and, when faced with the prospect of beginning a new year on their own terms, have felt everything from excitement to despair.

Normal feelings, I promise.

Divorce can be freedom for some, and feel like prison for others. It’s all about how you look at things. But no matter which side of the coin you’re on, one thing is for certain: a brand new year is an opportunity to start fresh, making promises to yourself (and keep them), and vow to experience life through a different perspective.

Here are 21 ways to make sure WE are moving in the right direction in 2021, (and my own personal mantras just for a little extra motivation):

1. We’re no longer asking for permission to enjoy our lives, we’re declaring it.Instead of  “Do you mind if i take the kids on that Disney trip this summer during my vacation time?” its: “I’m taking the kids to Disney this summer during my vacation time.”

2. We’re no longer letting our exes use us as emotional dumping grounds.Sad about the marriage ending, buddy? Too bad, so sad, you made your choices, now it’s time for me to move on.

3. We’re no longer letting our exes pull us into useless arguments. My energy, time, and vibe are all too precious for that.

4. We’re honoring the fact that there is no “having the last word” with a high-conflict ex, so we’re going to stop trying. I know in my heart what is right, and there is no use trying to prove you wrong.

5. We’re abiding by our parenting plans: communicating only about the children when necessary, and not giving up any information our exes try to pull out of us. If you’re not legally entitled to the information you’re looking for, you’re not getting it from me.

6. We’re blocking our exes and their family members who are sending screenshots to try and get us in trouble. Sorry, not sorry, nosy Aunt Brenda.

7. While we’re at it, we’re deleting our exes photos from our social media. Ew. It’s called emotional cleansing, and it’s powerful.

8. We’re taking a child-centered approach to co-parenting, remembering that it’s not about us, it’s about them. I hate how often he takes them to see his parents, but I know in my heart how special it is for my kids to have their grandparents’ love on both sides.

9. We’re not forcing our exes to see things our way. It’s a giant waste of time. I am done sending him articles about the importance of a child’s consistent bedtime schedule. Done.

10.  We’re honoring the fact that we can only control what we can control, which is ourselves, our emotions, how we react, and our own parenting time. I couldn’t control him in our marriage, so I certainly cannot control him now.

11. We’re making more time for US even though it feels like we have no time to do so. I want more sleep but I also really need to fit a workout into my schedule – I’m waking up a little earlier to do that because my body deserves it.

12. We’re saying no whenever our gut tells us to. To my ex, to my family, to my friends – to anyone who needs to hear a “no.”

13. We’re not explaining ourselves to those who judge. My divorce is my problem, not yours, and you are not entitled to the dirty details.

14. We’re encouraging our child’s love for the other parent. He sucks, he’s a dick to me, he talks badly to my kids about me, but I know the right thing to do and it’s to create a safe, supportive environment for my child in my home.

15.  We’re not feeling guilty for our choices. I may not have wanted to move on, but I was left with no choice. It’s about survival and my own happiness at the end of the day.

16. We’re trying new things. I’ve always wanted to paint but my ex always gave me a hard time about the mess it may cause. I’m painting now, whenever the fuck I want to.

17. We’re loving ourselves before dating again. I will end up bringing my bullshit into the next relationship if I don’t heal it first.

18. We’re so damn committed to healing. It’s an ugly but necessary promise that the happiness of my future depends on.

19. We’re cutting out bad energy from our lives. Misery often loves company, so I don’t want friends in my life who aren’t encouraging me in this next phase of my life.

20. We’re abiding by the “just because someone says it, doesn’t make it true” rule. I know my ex thinks I’m a dumb bitch, but that doesn’t really mean I am one.

21. We’re looking back only to see how far we’ve come, and for the motivation to keep going. I was not the woman I am today a year ago, and I love how that feels.

Happy New Year, strong mama. You’ve totally got this.