I have these calls, time and time again, with clients who are at the very beginning stages of their new reality – separation and looming divorce – about what to do next.I have these calls, time and time again, with clients who are at the very beginning stages of their new reality – separation and looming divorce – about what to do next.
I get it. You’re filled with emotions, so many of them, ranging from pain to anger and everything in between. It’s hard to think clearly as you’re overwhelmed with the idea of beginning the long legal road to divorce, all the while trying to navigate having to parent on your own.

You’re full of questions that it seems no one can answer…
Consider me your voice of reason during this time, sharing all you need to focus on, take care of, and deal with – all things I’ve learned the hard way.
Here is your “stop everything and focus on these 10 things” list of what to do right after separating from your soon-to-be ex:

1. Unfollow and block on social mediaThere is no need to keep tabs on him, and you will not want him to have the ability to check in on your life. This opens the door for way more drama and criticism than you need right now.
2. Educate yourself about the legal process of divorceConsult with an attorney or mediator about the best way to handle the divorce process. This is not the type of thing you’ll want to handle on your own – a guiding hand is always best as legalities can be tricky and vary greatly from state to state.
3. Order age-appropriate divorce books for your kidsThere are very healthy ways to talk to your children about divorce, and using these books are a great alternative if you aren’t already in therapy with your children.
4. Get comfortable asking for helpSingle motherhood is a whole sport that someone forgot to add to the Olympics. You couldn’t train for the olympics on your own, and you are much better off asking for help to “train” or get comfortable with single motherhood. Don’t be shy – call on your closest friends and family members to help you deal with your new reality; emotionally and physically.
5. Establish your village When you begin reaching out for help and start to see who is willing to let you lean on them, who is checking in on you, and who offers you a listening ear, make them your permanent village people! Find a support group, coach, or therapist to add to that mix and you are golden.
6. Stop asking – start declaringNot many people realize this, but once you’ve separated from someone, you no longer have to ask permission for how you live your life. It’s time to start declaring.Ex. I am taking the kids to visit my mom this weekend. NOT Can I take the kids to visit my mom this weekend.
7. Find your thing, make it a habitHealthy distractions are good – very good. Find the thing you love doing most and make it a habit. Rely on it when you’re feeling down and enjoy it thoroughly when you’re feeling up. For me, it was exercise and binge watching new Netflix shows. For some of my clients it has been joining a running group, taking pottery classes, or learning a new language.
8. Invest in a journal – use it to write everything down from your dreams, to your goals, to your most angry/emotional moments and everything in between. The journal prompts in the Lemonade Lounge were designed for you to use your journal most effectively for your emotional well-being! Use them to your heart’s content!
9. Take a child-focused approach in all of your communication efforts with your ex.What matters most now are your children. Not your anger for your ex, not your desire to have the last word, not letting him know how much he sucks – none of that. All that matters now is that you’re doing what’s best for the kids. There is nothing much to talk about other than them, which is a great way to start separating yourself emotionally from your ex.
10. Don’t what-if: Just focus on what is.I get it – this is your first divorce. You don’t know what to expect, how it’s coming, or when. But if you get caught up in the “what if’s” of things, you’ll drive yourself plain crazy! Take each day as it comes, focus on what is, and let the chips fall as they may. Things always have a way of working themselves out.