Written by Brenda Duarte

My name is Brenda and I am a 25-year-old single mom of a beautiful baby girl, Violetta. My daughter is 7 months, so everything is still new and writing this is hard still, but I feel like this is going to be good for me and dealing with the loss of a family I dreamed of.  I got pregnant when I was 24. Me and her dad Christopher, had been dating for 1.5 years and I thought he was going to be my husband. We had this life that we wanted to build together but could not quite get on the same page. We had a very up and down relationship, I lived with him and his mom and that was what ultimately ruined our relationship. His mom got too involved, I tried to set boundaries, but I always ended up doing what he wanted. Of course, I am not perfect, I had my part in our breakup, but I was tired of continuing to ask him to put me as a priority along with his family.  we broke up when I was 2 months pregnant and I was heartbroken.  So here I am pregnant and alone. I cried everyday probably until I gave birth. Dealing with a breakup while pregnant was the hardest thing I had to do. I had family and some friends there to support me but there was still a void that was never filled. I always wanted him to be there helping me plan my baby shower, taking maternity pictures with, picking names, cuddling at night. I never thought that this was going to be my journey when I thought about being pregnant. Having a family was my biggest dream and I never would have imagined that I would have to do it alone. I thought he would be supportive and want to raise the baby with me, but he did not want to leave his family and it hurt. I was waiting to be chosen our entire relationship and that continued into my pregnancy. I was working 3 jobs, going to school full time, and trying to prepare for a baby but still felt lonely and so sad. I knew I needed to heal because I still had to see this person for the rest of my life, so I went back to therapy. My therapist gave me lots of resources for single moms and just overall great advice and a listening ear. She really helped get me through the most difficult time in my life, but I knew I still had to learn how to have positive interactions with Christopher.  He would text me to see how me and the baby were doing throughout my pregnancy and continued to show me that he was going to be there for the baby. So, I when I was 5 months pregnant, I finally agreed to let him come back to my doctor’s appointments. I put aside my pain and feelings to build our coparenting relationship, we went to a parenting and a birthing class together. He attended the birth and continued to visit Violetta at my home for 2.5 weeks. We got into an argument and he never came back. He took me to court for visitation and our relationship quickly went south and it was a battle in court. It was constant arguing and fighting trying to prove who was the better parent. I continually felt put down and like I was not a good enough mom for Violetta. I knew this is not how I wanted to live my life, so I looked for resources, books, videos, Instagram accounts, podcasts, online mom groups anything to help me through this time.  All those things helped me alongside my therapists to have more positive interactions with her dad. Although it is not a relationship that I would have hoped for with him I know that if we can get along that will be better for her. I am continuing to work on my side of the relationship for Violetta and continue to be the best mom I can be. I am now a college graduate, still learning how to manage my emotions, saving for our first apartment, and setting boundaries with everyone in my life. I want to be a great example for Violetta and hope that she will grow to be proud of me and my accomplishments.