Whether it’s your first year enduring the holidays as a divorced mama, or year 2, 3, 4, or 12, the holiday season is a tough one for divorced families. Now that I am almost four years into my own life after divorce, I still shudder at the thought of how much that first year hurt for me.

Am I proud to have come this far? Yes. Could I have made it to the end of my rainbow without enduring the storm? Absolutely not. Put it like this; your first holiday season as a divorced mom will feel like you’ve been dumped at the bottom of Mt. Everest and told to climb up to the top alone, and without any tools to help you survive.

But the next year, you’re more well-equipped. You may not feel 100% confident that you’ll make it to the top without a scratch, but you’re at least less anxious about what to expect. Then, like anything else, it gets easier with each passing year.

But if you’re at the very beginning, and the thought of this holiday season is enough to send you into a downward spiral, I’m going to tell you that you should absolutely 100% let it pull you down deep. Yes, I know that’s not what you expected to hear, but this is absolutely one of those times where you must let yourself feel the feels- and follow my tried and true strategies for surviving the holidays as a co-parent.

Ignore Dates – Create Your Own Celebration
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday – hands down. And just two days after Thanksgiving is my birthday, which I could never imagine celebrating without my daughter. But guess what? This year I have to, so our Thanksgiving/birthday celebration will take place on the Tuesday before the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. Will it feel shitty to wake up without her on my two favorite days of the year? Sure. Which is why I’m going overboard to make our special Tuesday feel more celebratory than ever.

Work Your Parenting Plan Magic
If you’re still working on your parenting plan, don’t fall into the same trap that most of us unknowing divorcees fall into – agreeing to alternate holiday years. It sounds fair in theory, but it leaves you without your kids for an entire holiday that can last more than a day. For example: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Instead of agreeing to alternate the entire holiday between co-parents on even and odd years, how about agreeing to alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? For example, the parent that gets Christmas Eve this year, gets Christmas Day next year – make sense?

If you’ve already finalized your parenting plan, like me, and are in no mood to go through the rigamorol of having to change it, have a conversation with your ex. Let him know that you feel it would be better for your children to share the holidays with both of you, and ask if he is willing to be flexible. Remind him that you’ll give him the same opportunity on “your” year.

Don’t Be Shy – Invite Yourself Somewhere
I know what it’s like to not want to “burden” anyone with your emotions right now – trust me, I get it – but now is not the time to let your ego stand in the way of a good time. Understand that friends may not know whether or not to include you in their holiday party plans right now so it is more than okay to invite yourself over to a friend or neighbor’s house to get your holiday party on. Hey, beats sitting at home alone, right?

When all else fails, remember this:

Your today is not your forever. This too shall pass. Tomorrow is a new day, and your kids will be back home in your arms soon enough.

You’ve got this.